just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize