He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
NoShamevember. You game?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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