Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize