I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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