Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
