Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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