What tipped you off? The sombrero?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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