I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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