he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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