so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
