i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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