We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Randomize
