Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
