I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
