Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
