haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
