You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
