You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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