That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wish you could order shots online.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
