before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
