I wish life had little blips of pornography
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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