Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
