mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
