dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize