oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
