this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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