he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
