I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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