So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
