Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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