Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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