i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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