Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
