i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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