Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
