It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
