I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
