the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
