I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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