hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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