is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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