he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just found a bag of teeth...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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