So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
