even my farts smell like vagina
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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