I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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