omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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