i already hear my dad disowning me
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
