all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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