let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
