she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
