Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
