For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Randomize
