we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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