hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
