I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
