Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
