I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
