beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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