Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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