If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
