i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
