Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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