And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
