Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
