i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
