Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
