You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
