OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
