he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
