When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
