PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
