Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
